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Friday, July 06, 2007

Immer werde ich Sie lieben

What the fucking fuck??????????? How come one day you believe, feel and think something and the next day you just believe other thing? Yeah, I believe in miracles too, but this one, being too perfect to be true, was a fucking miracle... A Fucking Miracle, how come "another miracle" happens... a better miracle.... ??? You just flipped coins too easily, leaving a trail of shit behind... Oh yeah, I'm cured... and listening to the hymn right now... but I still don't understand why it happened... I know why, I just can't understand it per se.... But the evidence is clear, it is written, it was spoken, it was alive and well... it just died.... And maybe right now I'm on a flashback... I'm not angry or mad, I'm just thinking right now... about possibilities... and percentages... and I'm laughing my ass off... I have too much caffeine inside me right now... it's 717am of the 6th of July..., I'm still awake, and I've become again the Insomniac... Heart's better... only a little pain on the chest... My back hurts sometimes because I sleep very little and at a very bad position...

Finishing the line... It's amazing how a person belief can be so powerful, and how damaging it is to the other people around. It's so easy living the terms of repenting and forgiving and being born again into a new life... but what about the past life and sins? are they all erased? just like chalk on a chalkboard? What about the rest of the affected people? I'm sure I understand the positions, all of them... but is this the best way to be and the way to feel not responsible, unaware, neglecting and denying the past as it never happened? Even if people believe that sins are erased, they are not... you can have your mind cleared... and forgiven.... by who??? by nobody else than yourselves!, It is a state of mind... How can people say that it was a divine mandate if that same divinity gave people the right to choose whatever is best for themselves, even when it says so.... That is just a stupid excuse to have the mind at peace... it's like cheating on themselves...

You may be forgiven but the past is never far... it is part of them forever...

But some words are very deep... and revealing... it's like a disease... how you can be so sure one day and the other sure about anything else other than what was sure of before....

It's destiny... but a little bit of Calvinism here will proceed...